right now

i'm in my own city
with boxed towers standing high
surrounding me sitting with indian legs
this place smells of old raw memories
they have collected dust making me sneeze
making me inhale and exhale
the blatant truth that we are nothing but nomads
we roam inches and miles
with stumbles and fumbles merely to leave our residues
marking the path with our footprints
we dare to think one may want to follow
still i sit with boxes holding me ransom
clutching my shoulders
their dust making me sneeze
and i dare deny
that they are the only ones trailing behind me.

san francisco muni bus.
this video overwhelmed me with varied emotions.
at first i laughed at the things they said to each other more so at the words of the man in the back.
then i felt a tiny pinch of anger when everyone ganged up
someone should've stopped it. but if i were there i probably would have been another bystander.
and whoever put in captions pushed me further when he wrote"who's off the bus now"
now i'm just filled with ambivalence..someday it won't be about sides, but respect.

for me

there are too many words and too little thoughts.
i find myself unconsciously motivated to inflate simple things.
attempting to put even the smallest idea into words will prove futile
though it seems so effortless when it dwells in my own mind
if only i can cut and paste onto my walls
make them visible before my own eyes
for i myself am clueless when it comes to decoding my ingredients
or maybe i have no ingredient at all
just convincing myself that i do

looks like we've all been busy. busy's good.
the weather has been so perfect and delicious. i dont know if this has any correlation, but my work efficiency drastically climbed. thats good news. more time in the day for me!
couldn't help but reflect on the conversation with zeph yesterday.
cause i endured through a video of a woman who consumes 32000 calories per day.
she says food represents so many emotions for her. guilt, satisfaction, loneliness, comfort...
and the cameraman would not keep that plate holding the mountain of cookies out of the frame.
anyways she says she only yields to her temptation when people leave the room... i wonder why.
well i think she fills herself with tangible objects to feel life. the physical part of life that is

so sleepy

wonderful night tonight. i never knew i could jam with a ukulele.
but no the art of playing instruments with mere experimentation... that was just the glimpse of my wonderful night. i watched beyond the sea of heads. his extremely small figure accurately matched the frame set by the sea of heads... sat with a body so languished yet we all watched. damn he was good. he said he wrote the song onnly a few weeks ago and that made me repeat: damn hes good
i heard it twice before but still the way he tapped his leather brown shoes made every single word so fresh so crisp making me mold my irrational ideas onto what his words may mean. i stared, not blinking for a second, through the calm sea of heads. i swam through clutching at anything i can grab, kicked my legs so just maybe it'll propel me through the aisle of his mind full of dark images and words only he can decipher. but no i sat chained to my seat still devoured by the sinking melodies and wrinkled eyebrows accompanied by the strings that shook without cease..ahh wonderful night isnt it?

then later i in turn devoured a giant burger with homemade guacamole. i played the uke trying to beat reality speaking to me: honey wake up you got work to do. pick up that pen... but no i defied the rules by jammin and thinkin bout the man sitting beyond the sea of heads..and made a song bout guacamole. wonderful night tonight isnt it

found a quote today by oscar wilde:
"all women become like their mothers. that is their tragedy. no man does. that's his"
thought hard about it. there will always be exceptions. hopefully.

and last entry was not written by me. but by jean toomer.
hmm i'm too laidback nowadays. i sleep like a baby every night. even when i don't want to.
weathers awesome

jean toomer

Evening Song

Full moon rising on the waters of my heart,
Lakes and moon and fires,
Cloine tires,
Holding her lips apart.

Promises of slumber leaving shore to charm the moon,
Miracle made vesper-keeps,
Cloine sleeps,
And I'll be sleeping soon.

Cloine, curled like the sleepy waters whtere the moonwaves start,
Radiant, resplendently she gleams,
Cloine dreams,
Lips pressed against my heart.

Cloine is an interesting name
but beautful
i was lonely at church today. held study session alone. weather was perfect though.
hope yals had a good sunday. time for a new week

they?

i feel disgusting today. i have layers and layers upon my face.
i have been overeating. and i have a load of work waiting in my hands.
i'm in denial.

they told me, "They are pigs"
i was little and i believed them
few years later they told me, "They are dumb as fish"
i was confused but i drew Them as their words instructed
and everyday my father warned of his own kind,
"They are wolves. stay away from Them"
and i did what i do best by building walls in obedience
now i peek through that small hole i left open
thinking "They must be so horrible
to have all the unseemly metaphors"
and that hole perfectly encircles my pupil

q&a

hello
been a while.
it's 630 in the morning. i woke up cause it was so cold today.
as much as i hate waking up in the morning, i love what it looks like.
it's still dark and the crows are still crying .. it's beautiful.

i was real sad a few days ago cuz someone asked me:
what do you look forward to everyday?

i could not think of an answer.hmm .. i thought real hard too. so it got me sad. so i ate more..
i said before being sad makes me thinner.. cancel that. i like to eat my feelings. maybe people do that so they can attempt to fill their void up with something. but i don't wanna analyze that too much. i'm just glad it's friday.