2 Kings 4: Free Write

I can't seem to figure this out.

This "thing" of ours that I can't call

love or hate or simply a habit.

Stood waiting without knowing how to wait,

without knowing that time isn't the only one that needs passing,

it's the me, my endless thoughts biting at my very core every minute.

You asked for jars and all I brought were my hands.

Cupped with cracks big enough to let rocks through.

At times I stood waiting with crossed arms, unwilling.

My cupped hands weren't big enough to hold

my own expectations

my own goals

my own picture of me.

You asked for jars and all I brought were my hands

You still filled it,

with olive oil.

Barely enough to keep its light green hue.

I stood, knowing you wait, ready to pour into whatever I bring

these ill-sealed hands, I bring to You.

You asked for jars and all I brought were my hands

I stand, knowing you will watch me falter,

let the grease stay on my hands,

let the mess mar me, break me,

You asked for jars.

Taking A Minute

This weekend seems like such a blur. I need to take time to self-evaluate. To see if I'm taking things too fast. My mind seems to run ahead of my thoughts, then my body trails along, not knowing what to do. Well, one thing I know is, I love Berkeley. Exactly what I wanted.

I like its incongruency, though I know I'll regret saying this, its bipolar weather, its people, staff, resources... There are so many things I want to get my hands on. I am an eager student fidgeting in her seat, just waiting to start again in a completely new environment.

I'm taking this moment to thank God. I still cannot believe I am going to such a prestigious school. cannot believe that I am among these fellow colleagues so impassioned to learn and absorb the world, all its dirt and glamour. I have unofficially set myself on a pre-Business path. I am glad to be at a place where I can explore for the sake of exploring. I cannot wait til move-in!!