2:42

yes another sleepless night. but tonight is an artificially sleepless night. caffeine has done its job. and for some reason, i am content in my deprived self.
we all stayed up til 1 to make a nice birthday dinner for ira. but sadly, all the food, because of our tendency to let our hands take control instead of our minds, turned out to be overly bathed in salt. this is probably why my family has a history of diabetes. so now the scent of miyukgook and fish overflow through the uncovered cracks under our door and windows. a smell i am proud to release from my home.

i thrive when my eyelids long to fall on its knees. i feel joy in the midst of the flood of indescribable emotions, ebbing thoughts that recede without boundaries.. i am dancing so freely at this moment and no regulations, ticking clocks, or walls can trip me. this is me drenched in the symptoms of insanity. this is my high.
all is still. my own bones are transfixed in the presence of my latent ego. a slight twist on the joint of my neck make these young bones creak, (and i can literally hear this) groaning in response to the sudden movement. these bones are so spoiled, accustomed to being cuddled in my mothers arms.
suck it up! i have so much more to do.
they have so much more to carry, to endure through.
and this is their training session.